My Testimony

 No feet in.
One foot in, one foot out.
No feet in.
One foot in, one foot out.
Both feet in.

Before I entered the narrow path, I spent years walking the wide one, striving for worldly satisfaction. I knew of God, but I didn't fully trust Him. I lingered at the edge, close enough to feel conviction, yet far enough to remain in control.

What I didn't understand then was that beneath all my striving was a longing I couldn't name. It was a longing to be known, chosen, and ultimately to fulfill my Father's will.

I grew up in church and was introduced to Scripture from an early age. Looking back, I can see that God was faithfully planting seeds, even when my heart wasn't fully engaged. I left childhood with a Bible in my hands, but I had yet to develop a true relationship with Christ.

As I grew older, I built my identity on achievement and outward appearance. I chased perfection academically while living a very different life outside of school. Anxiety, depression, unhealthy relationships, and the pressure to earn my worth eventually caught up with me. Beneath it all was a deep wound of rejection that led me to believe I had to prove my value through performance, success, and the image I presented to others.

During one of the darkest seasons of my life, a caring school social worker helped me navigate my depression. Through that experience, God quietly planted a desire in me to help others, leading me to pursue a career in psychology.

Although I wanted God, I still wanted control. That tension reached its peak during a season of heartbreak and uncertainty. Desperate for answers about my future, I sought comfort in places I now recognize were spiritually dangerous, including psychics. I wasn't seeking darkness. I was searching for peace.

Soon afterward, I opened my Bible and read God's warnings about mediums. That moment became a turning point. My life didn't change overnight, but my direction did.

As life continued, I attended church more regularly, but I was still trying to build life on my own terms. Unexpected circumstances eventually humbled me and revealed how desperately I needed God. Becoming a mother deepened my dependence on Him and transformed my faith from something inherited into something deeply personal. I began intentionally spending time with the Lord, meeting Him in quiet moments of prayer, Scripture, and worship.

 I asked God to make me more loving, more humble, and more like Christ. I prayed for a godly marriage, for wisdom as a mother, and for a life that reflected His will instead of my own.

In His faithfulness, God answered those prayers in ways I never could have orchestrated. He brought my husband into my life, led our family through unexpected transitions, and repeatedly asked us to step out in faith. Many of those decisions didn't make sense from a worldly perspective, yet time after time, we experienced His provision and guidance.

The journey wasn't without hardship. Marriage, parenting, past wounds, and life's pressures exposed places in my heart that still needed healing. Through Christian counseling, intentional time with Jesus, and the work of the Holy Spirit, God began transforming me from the inside out.

He didn't simply comfort me.

He healed me.

He exposed lies I had believed for years and replaced them with His truth. He taught me that my worth isn't found in what I accomplish, but in who I am in Christ. My faith moved beyond intellectual belief into lived experience. I no longer simply believed God loved me. I encountered His love personally.

That encounter changed everything.

It changed my marriage.

It changed how I parent.

It changed how I see others.

It changed how I see myself.

Our family continues to follow God wherever He leads, even when the path requires surrender and doesn't make sense. That surrender has come with both joy and grief, but I've learned that God is faithful in every season. I've seen what He does with surrendered hearts, and I trust Him more today than ever before.

I no longer want to live with one foot in and one foot out.

My feet are planted.